Coastin'

It's been a tad over 2 weeks since John and I have reluctantly returned to our hometown. To answer the standard questions: Yes, it's cold enough for us; Yes, we miss Hawai'i; Yes, we plan on finding another place to go; Yes, its nice to see yinz guys again.

We came in on a Wednesday having just hopped from HNL to PHX (next to the exit door, which was very loud and rather nippy), had a quick bite and coffee, then PHX to PIT with very few zzzz's in between. Technically, we'd been up for almost a day straight and landed in 50* weather that greeted us with the immediate need for pants (PANTS?!?!). My dad scooped us from the airport and we FILLED his truck with our bags, had to detour around every area of town to avoid traffic/construction (as is Pittsburgh), and finally got to the quaint neighborhood of Munhall. We set up shop in his gram's basement gameroom, shoveled food in our faces, and took the first showers where we kept the door shut to prevent cold air from flowing in the bathroom.

Again, I need to stress on the term immediate for need of pants. I admittedly grumbled about the collection of hoodies that occupied (no kidding) one entire suitcase, not to mention the 30-odd pairs of sneakers between the two of us. However, one full day in Pittsburgh proved that our shopping had not, in fact, been in vain because we needed those hoodies/pants/sneakers immediately.

The ringing in our ears on the first night is all to blame on the exit row seats, but it was our own damn fault for jumping right into seeing a metal show the following day. Hot dang, Between the Buried and Me was worth it. That night, we also posted up at one of our favorite food places, The Library, and with their half-priced appetizers there's nothing not to love! Nothing tastes better than sweet-fries, nomnomnom and mmmmmmgood.

While the taller figure has been burying his arms elbow deep in re-building his Jeep (with good reason, no less), I've still been transferring those goofy hand-written journals from years ago. This time, I'm on what I call "The Vermouth Book" due to the Martini&Rossi image on the cover. The book opened with an incident revolving around the first removal of tissue on my foot in a vigorous battle I've had with re-occurring plantar warts and travels through my first few attempts at sobriety, all while dating a douchebag. Still, I find myself quite the dreamer using any chance to create images from fancy verbage in order to cover-up my internal struggle with creating myself. At that point in my life, I think I was falling in love with everyone and everything around me, thinking it was love, and realizing that I was just dating a douchebag all the while. AA seemed to touch my soul in a very prominent manner and on a few occasions I'd toss around experiences that reminded me of myself after listening in on a speaker meeting. I'd toss around the G.O.D. term (i.e.: Good Orderly Direction), which I acquired in AA and have since used to define my religious views in a nutshell, though I'm still quite Catholic, laddamercy. Also while reading this book, I've come to see how blinded I easily became to what is truly important in a young adult's life simply by paying attention to having been paid attention to. My social life often got the better of me. I'd relapse, I'd get down on myself and find myself alone in self-loathing and in grand retrospect - that's just no way to live. I see these things now and realize how vital it is to apply them to my life now in order to be more fulfilled. They are important lessons which I often lose track of as the days go by and still see the same behavioral patterns in myself. As my dear "seesur" often reminds me, I must love myself first in order for anyone to love me back. I must look in to me.

This brings me to what I'm reading.

Years ago, the aforementioned dear seesur sent me a book. I was living in Columbus, OH in a small apartment with my 5ft pet ball python and drinking myself into repeating the same drunk-driving mistake over and over when a package arrived from Amazon.com. Inside was the book Conversations with God, and was the first installment of Neale Donald Walsh's "trilogy" about a man who, you guessed it!, is having an ongoing conversation with the Big Man Upstairs. The ordinary guy was going through a rough time like all humans do and upon writing questions to himself on a notepad began to have answers come to him. And so it goes that God speaks to the man and through a conversational-style dialogue the book continues and carries the reader through enlightenment simply by learning to love himself because that's what God wants you to do. The guide explains the difference between the two key emotions that every human feels (love and fear), what relationships are all about (loving yourself, duh), and so on. Death, money, politics, and Jesus himself is made mention. This book is safely conducted without throwing Bible-vocab at the reader and gently causes one to reflect, to look inward, and to love.
Oddly enough, I was reading CWG2 when I was writing in "The Vermouth Book" and upon the decision to wave aloha to our life in Hawai'i came CWG3 falling into my lap. This book discusses universal truths; currently I'm reading through a section about the after-life. Seems that life and death are much in the same in that things happen if you want them to happen. Recently, much in part due to the whirlwind of events that have come upon my fiance and I, I have been getting stuck in my head. The book is helping me to change my perspective in that I must remember that if I want our time in Pittsburgh to suck: it very well WILL.
Thanks, seesur.

Couple of months ago, I was ranting off about my spa-job and boldly stated that I missed working at Piper's Pub and openly thanked my boss, Drew, for being awesome. Not once did I re-think about sending him a message to have me back at the Pub for our stay in Yinzerville, and with open arms he did. I've loved seeing the Pub Family again, and its warms my heart that the place hasn't changed other than it got better. Maybe it was my year away from the service industry? maybe its just a better Pub? Who cares! Having been asked to work a benefit for Gilda's Club alongside Drew, I got a great glance at what it takes to be a better person just by talking to women in fur coats who shopped for Coach purses at Saks Fifth Ave all in the name of a cancer research organization. Drew has a bigger heart that I can draw, and people really appreciate when you support them by showing up. Drew also may or may not have slipped in a compliment in my direction which helped me to better realize that simply by showing up at the Pub and doing my job, I'm a good person. It may seem silly to say, but I know that I'll always feel right at home at the little spot on Carson and that's perfectly okay with me.

Clocking in for the first time in nearly a year, I was greeted by seeing my maiden name pop up on the computer terminal. This meant that I truly needed to get on the ball and get things in order. Today included a trip to the DMV where after 2 hours, I was handed a new ID card with my maiden name on it. I cannot describe how relieved I am to be sitting at my parent's dining room table and crossing off places where I get to reclaim my maiden name again (until the tall-one and I get shit together and I have to repeat the process, harharhar).

The long and short of it is... I'm coastin' by. Pittsburgh may not be my desired place to be right now after life's recent curveballs, but if I just ease back and look inward... it's all smooth sailing in the grand scheme of things. Even if it's miserable outside.